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I Was the Daughter of a Porn Star, Chapter 63

  • Posted on December 11, 2016 at 5:39 pm

Cheryl’s Commercial Movie Debut

By Cheryl Taggert 

If you need help keeping up with the characters, you may go here.

It was settled. Mom had agreed to make the movie with me, but Bob warned all of us that in no way could I actually do anything with my mom on camera.

“The viewers will know you are her daughter, since that is going to be a selling point for the movie,” he said. “So any sexual contact between the two of you, no matter what you do in your private lives, will land all of us in jail. About the most you can do is put your hand on her butt.”

“Jeez, Bob!” I said, “Stop worrying. I get it, okay?” He was really starting to irk me with his constant reminders. He was treating me as if I was still a little girl of eight or nine, not a young woman of eighteen.

The three of us were in makeup, each sitting in our chair with a woman applying the proper amounts of foundation, lip gloss, eye shadow, mascara and pancake to prevent us from looking either like ghosts or like cheap hookers. The same women did our hair, too.

We were naked to get makeup, except we were wearing bathrobes, which I thought was silly, but as Mom said, “It’s what’s expected.” Me? I wanted to get things started. I’d been horny and on edge all day. My mood got so bad that morning that Jenna went for a bike ride instead of being in the same house with me.

“Fuck, Cheryl!” she said as she went out the door. “If this is how you’re gonna be whenever you make a movie, I hope this is your last one.”

I won’t go into what prompted her to say that because it’s kind of embarrassing I was being so difficult. All I’ll do is admit she was right. I was being very bitchy.

Deanna seemed to be totally unfazed by the movie we were making. Mostly, she was spending the money she’d be making. She kept going on about what she would get with the money to the point I was starting to hate her.

I’m not sure why I was so out of sorts, but I was. Deanna went so far as to ask if I might start bleeding during the movie, thus suggesting I was PMS-ing like crazy.

“I finished two weeks ago,” was my sullen response.

Mom seemed to be the only person not bothered by my mood. Mostly, she just ignored me and my little tantrums. But I guess she’d been around them for eighteen years, so they no longer seemed to faze her.

Bob came into the makeup room and told us we could begin as soon as we were finished with makeup.

“I’m finished now,” I said, but Chandra, the woman doing my makeup disagreed.

Placing a strong hand on my shoulder to nudge me back into my chair, she said, “You ain’t done yet, girl. Keep your robe on til I tell you you’re done. You’ll get that pussy licked soon enough.”

I knew Chandra from my years of coming to the set. She’d been working for Bob’s production company for about seven years now, doing makeup and hair. I just stared in the mirror at her reflection and made a face, squinching up my nose and eyes to show my anger. She was old enough to be my grandmother, and I usually gave her the respect she deserved.

“Don’t be giving me that look, missy. You know me well enough to know I’ll put you over my knee and give you what for.”

“Mom wouldn’t let you,” I said, earning a chuckle from my mother.

“Sure she would,” Chandra said. “In fact I bet she’d help hold you down.”

“She’s right, you know,” Mom said.

Chandra was a large African-American woman who didn’t take lip from anyone, especially an eighteen-year-old girl like me that she’d known since I was eleven. She must weigh three hundred pounds, and she was threatening to use all of them to crush me.

I did the only thing I could do when threatened by a woman so much bigger and older: I sat back, folded my arms in defiance, and pouted.

Because I’d been so uncooperative, Mom and Deanna were done with hair and makeup well before I was. As if from some invisible signal, Mom rose from her chair and said to Deanna, “Let’s go check out the set.”

They were gone, and now only Chandra and I remained in the makeup room.

She was working on my hair and began nonchalantly. “Okay, Littlebit, what’s goin’ on?”

She had always called me ‘Littlebit’ because I always had ‘a little bit of mischief’ in me. “As well as a little bit of horniness,” she would add with a laugh. She had never shown any interest in doing anything sexual with me or anyone else on the set. To her, this was just a job, but she was well respected by every member of the production crew. One new young actress had cussed her one time, calling her a — well you know the word I mean — and Bob fired her on the spot. I was in the room when it happened because my mom was getting her makeup done as well at that moment and I was just hanging out with her.

When she said that word, all eyes in the room turned to look at the actress as if she’d lost her mind, but as my mom said later, “Honey, she never had a mind to lose.” Bob had overheard it, and he burst into the room. He was so angry he could barely speak. I was frightened because I thought he might hit her, but he didn’t. Instead, he picked up the girl’s clothes that were on a chair nearby, tossed them at her, and told her to get the hell out. She argued, trying to explain herself, but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t even let her get dressed, making her leave the building naked, since the robe belonged to the production company.

The actress’s protests of possibly getting arrested for public nudity were met with his response of “Good! You deserve to be in jail.” Needless to say, the girl probably, as they say, ‘never worked in this town again.’ Bob knew everyone in the business, and I’m certain he made sure she didn’t find work in the adult film industry after that, at least not in California, which back then was about the only place in the U. S. where adult films were made for worldwide distribution.

Anyway, that’s how respected Chandra is.

When she asked me ‘what’s going on’ I just slumped down in my chair and started to tear up.

“Don’t you go crying now,” she said. “Tears will just mess with your makeup and I don’t wanna have to do it again. You’re real pretty with no blemishes, but I don’t want you to have to sit in here any longer than you have to, not to mention it would piss Bob off royally that you were making everyone late.”

She handed me a tissue, and I dabbed my eyes to prevent the tears from spilling over.

“I don’t know, Chandra. I’ve just been a bitch all day. Actually going into last night.”

Chandra smiled at me. Her grin was huge and her teeth were as white as milk. “Girl, you just got the nerves, that’s all. You’re putting too much stock into this one movie. You’re thinkin’ if you don’t do well, your professional life as a porn star will be just one film that is mostly forgettable.”

I looked at her and I think my jaw may have dropped. It was either like having a ton of bricks lifted from me, the news of what was going on inside me was so welcome, or like a ton of bricks had been dropped on me, the shock of hearing it was so great. I hadn’t realized it before, but everything she was saying was true. I had been worried that the movie wouldn’t turn out to be as good as I’d been hoping. I was afraid this would be it. I’d been secretly waiting anxiously to turn eighteen so I could follow in my mother’s footsteps, and I worried that now that it was a reality, she might be disappointed in me if I failed, regardless of her misgivings a few weeks ago.

It’s funny how we can obsess over things and not realize it. All of this sudden knowledge hit me, like that ton of bricks.

“How did you know?” I asked. “I didn’t even know, really.”

“First, you ain’t the first girl to come in here feeling that way. Second, you’re too close to your own feelings, so you sometimes don’t see ‘em. I’m not, so I can see what you’re too upset to notice.”

“What will I do if this fails?” I asked.

“Honey, you’ll just keep goin’ with your life. It’s a good one, you know. I wasn’t sure about your mama lettin’ you do sex things when you were little, but now I see you’re just fine. No big hangups, no resentment. You’re charmed with good luck and the fact you’ve been allowed to live the life you feel in your soul. Lotsa people can’t say that, you know.”

Suddenly, I was consumed with love for this woman who’d mostly been a peripheral presence in my life until then. I wondered why I had never seen the wisdom that lived behind those eyes so dark they looked like coal. I actually smiled for the first time in quite a few hours.

She smiled back at me and returned to doing my hair, nothing major, just a French braid.

“Sweetie, you just go out there and do what comes naturally to you and you’ll be fine, and so will this movie. For the people who pay for this kind of film, this will be a classic. You’re the daughter of one of the most famous porn stars in the world, and you’re appearing in your debut film with her playing your mother. If you go out there and just enjoy yourself the way I’ve seen you enjoying yourself on these sets for so many years–” her tongue clicked on the roof of her mouth, making a wet snapping sound –”everything will work out fine. Believe me, it will.”

“Thank you, Chandra. I love you, you know.”

“Oh, child, you just need to learn there’s a lot of things us old folks can help you with because we’ve just been around a whole lot longer than you.”

We laughed together and the self-made cloud that had been raining on my parade disappeared.

Within five minutes, I was ready, and when Bob came in looking angry and found Chandra and me laughing together, with me almost ready, his look changed from pissed to confused in less than a second, which made Chandra and me laugh even harder.

I stepped out of the makeup room and followed a still confused Bob to the set. The bedroom where the scene would take place was beautiful. The walls were a soft pink, and there were various red set pieces to form a sort of contrast. There were red pillow cases and a red quilt on the bed, which had a shiny, white headboard for more contrast, and Deanna and I would be putting cherry red nail polish on our nails while we talked about sexual topics prior to deciding to experiment with each other. To set off the reds and soft pink, the sliding glass door’s curtains, which were partially open to show the pool and its tantalizing blue water in the background, were a brilliant white, like the headboard of the bed, which was plush and inviting.

Bob looked at Deanna and me. “Wardrobe has your outfits ready, schoolgirl uniforms that have been sized to fit you both like gloves that are tight in all the right places. As soon as you’re dressed, you’ll come back here and we’ll begin shooting.”

“Okay,” I said. “Where’s my mom?”

“Already in wardrobe.”

“Oh, okay. Duh,” I added.

He looked at me, still not understanding my quick mood change. “Not that I want you to go back to being the harpy you were a short time ago, but what happened to change you into, well, Cheryl?”

“Nothing, really. I’d just suggest you pay Chandra whatever she wants so you don’t lose her.”

Deanna was confused, too, but I think she cared less than Bob did. She had known me too long to allow herself to be bothered too much by my moods. She didn’t care how I returned to my old self, as long as I had.

“So, we’ll start with the two of you entering the bedroom together and throwing your book bags, which are over there,’ he said, pointing, “on the floor beside the bed. Make sure they’re not too close to the bed though. We don’t want anyone to have to pick them up to get them out of the way during the scene. Then you’ll sit on the bed to chat. Be sure you’re both sitting with your ankles crossed under you to allow the camera to get a shot of your panties. You know, with your knees spread.”

“Sure thing,” I said. “God knows we’ve teased enough boys together doing that at school.”

“Whatever,” he said. “Do you both know what kinds of topics you’ll talk about? I don’t want you to get into the sex talk too quickly.”

We weren’t given scripts for these movies. We were just expected to improvise conversation to eventually lead to where we were supposed to end up, which was in bed together, of course.

“Yeah,” Deanna said. “We’ve been discussing nothing else for days now.”

“Okay,” he said. “We’re going to shoot the sex scene today and the add-ins tomorrow.”

The ‘add-ins’ were things like the two of us arriving at the house outside, walking through the halls and such on the way to the bedroom, getting a snack in the kitchen, those kinds of things. They would be spliced into the movie later, with the credits overlaid on the images. That was something that would happen in the editing room, of course.

Deanna and I went to get into our school girl outfits. As we dressed, we talked casually.

“It’s funny how the whole world is like, so anti-pedo, yet the most well-liked adult films involve girls who are dressed to suggest they are not over eighteen,” I said.

“Yeah, if the world really understood that children can be just as sexual as any adult, they would lighten up a bit.”

“I’m certainly not for forcing a boy or girl to do anything they don’t want to do,” I said.

“Of course not. That’s sick.”

“But there are a lot of girls like us out there. I mean, look at Callie. All it took was someone who cared about her to introduce her to the joys of sex and she took off like a rocket. And she’s not crazy or suicidal. I think the guilt is what makes many kids who get caught messed up. They’re made to feel dirty and almost sub-human or something,” I said.

“Yeah, you and me and Callie and people like us were never made to feel guilty for having sexual feelings and acting on them.”

As I finished dressing, I said, “I think I’ll pursue that topic in college.”

“Really? Children and sex?” Deanna asked. Her expression told me she was both surprised and intrigued.

“Yeah. You know, like the sexual attitudes of children in a guilt-free atmosphere as opposed to those who are made to feel guilty about it, and the end results, psychologically speaking.”

“Sounds like you might be studying child psychology or something.”

“Yeah,” I said. “It does sound interesting.”

Deanna laughed when she said, “Maybe you and Marie could open your own clinic. She could deal with children’s bodies, and you can deal with their minds!”

I laughed too. We all knew why Marie was studying to be a pediatrician. She had always thought they had the best job because of all the naked children they got to see. Marie had added, “Who knows what might develop between a girl and her doctor?”

Deanna and I reported back to the set. We were ready to begin. I was more relaxed than I’d been in days, thanks to Chandra’s talk with me.

Bob greeted me with, “I talked to Chandra about what happened in there before to make you change your attitude. I told her I might need the psychology to use on Callie one day.”

“What did she say?” I asked him, truly curious if Chandra would tell him.

“She said it was none of my business, and if I needed help with Callie I should just send her to the makeup room.”

I laughed, feeling more love for Chandra. We hadn’t said anything about our conversation being private, but she had known I didn’t want the world to know what I’d been feeling these last few days.

I began to think of this intelligent, African-American, mountain of a woman as my own personal psychologist.

Bob had us leave the room so they could film us entering and started my career by shouting, “Quiet!” All became silent, except for someone saying, “‘School Girls in Private’, scene seven, take one,” followed by the sound of what is called the clapboard slapping its two parts together to make a snapping sound.

I looked at Deanna and held up both hands, crossing my arms and fingers, and she did the same. Our porn career had begun.

We heard Bob say, “Action!” and we entered the room. The opening of the door and our entrance turned us from eighteen-year-old girls into porn actresses. It was an event that had our lives situated on each side. It felt a lot like listening to the numbers of a Powerball and watching as your numbers matched, one by one. There would always be the moment before we walked through that door that stretched backwards in time to our childhoods, and the walking through the door and the future that stretched out before us, a future that forever would change our lives, but always to be marked by that instant.

I couldn’t have been happier, nor more frightened. But I at least had control of the fear now.

Continue on to Chapter 64