I Was the Daughter of a Porn Star, Chapter 68

  • Posted on January 10, 2017 at 2:32 pm

Lisa and Brenda, Jenna and Me

By Cheryl Taggert 

If you need help keeping up with the characters, you may go here.

I lay awake that night thinking about the mistake I had made. I had been hoping to meet Lisa again and get to know her, but now I had managed to get her girlfriend to cheat on her. There might be some girls who would hope Lisa got jealous and left her girlfriend after something like that. I am not that kind of girl. My heart ached for Lisa, whom I barely knew but would have liked to know better.

When my alarm went off — about two hours after I finally fell asleep — I went to the bathroom to pee and shower. Sitting on the toilet to think about what to do about my faux pas, I ended up getting pissed off at Brenda and Lisa, wondering why the fuck they weren’t roommates. If they had been, all this would have been easily avoided. Then I realized it was immature to blame them. While I made an honest mistake, the mistake was mine. They obviously had some reason not to be living together, and it wasn’t my place to question their motives.

I would have talked to Lisa about what I’d done, but I didn’t know where or how to find her. All I knew was that she attended UCLA, which is a HUGE campus. The place has ten libraries. Actually, there may be more. I’m aware of ten, though. That’s how big the campus is.

As I sat there thinking, long after I finished peeing, Jenna walked in.

“You gonna be long?” she asked.

“No. I’m finished. Just thinking about stuff.”

She took a longer look at me and her brow furrowed with concern. “Wow. You look like shit. Did you go out after I went to bed and get drunk or something?”

I looked at my adopted sister through bleary eyes. “Thanks for the encouragement,” I said, wiping myself and flushing.

“If I don’t tell you, who will?” she asked.

“Probably everyone I see today.”

“Wanna shower together?” she asked.

“As long as a shower is all you have in mind,” I said. “I’m too tired for anything else.”

“Who has the time?” she asked. “I gotta get ready for school myself, and you’re usually out of the shower by now. Just trying to save a little time and maybe cheer you up by washing your back.”

I thought about that. If I’d been in the mood for sex, I would have turned down her offer because I knew where washing my back would lead in that situation. But I was in no mood for sex — a rare thing but not unheard of — so I accepted her offer. My time sitting on the pity pot, literally, had taken up my shower time, and her offer was both sweet and smart.

After washing my hair and the rest of my body, I let the hot water cascade over me. Jenna soaped a washcloth and gently rubbed my back, both cleaning and relaxing me.

“So, what’s the big problem keeping you up at night?” she asked. Of course, I knew she would want to talk a little bit about whatever was bugging me, which was actually another reason I had accepted her offer to shower together.

“I fucked up,” I said and surprised myself by starting to cry.

Jenna turned me around to allow the water to rinse my back as well as to hug me. “Oh, Cheryl. What is it? Don’t cry. You’ll make me cry, and I don’t even know what’s wrong.”

Have I mentioned I love my sister? We argue sometimes, but she cares so deeply for me and my mom.

“I seduced this girl and later found out I was getting her to cheat on her girlfriend, who happens to be that girl Lisa I told you about.”

“You didn’t know they were together?” she asked.

“No. I just knew she had the same name as Lisa’s girlfriend — Brenda.”

She pushed me back and looked in my bloodshot eyes. “I’m sorry, but explain to me how this is your fault.”

“Jenna, it doesn’t matter if I meant to do it or not. If Lisa finds out, she’ll assume I did this to make her break up with Brenda, which would put me next to last on her list of people she would agree to have sex with, right above Phyllis Schlafly.”

“Oh,” Jenna said. “I get it now.” Then, “Who’s Phyllis Schlafly?”

I sighed. I love Jenna dearly, but since she’d turned thirteen if it wasn’t porn or required for school, she wouldn’t read it. “An ultra-conservative woman who was against things like the Equal Rights Amendment.” I looked at her puzzled expression and explained further. “The amendment guaranteeing women equal rights?”

“Oh,” she said. “There’s an amendment for that?”

“Not yet.”

“Well, that’s stupid.”

“Yeah. You really do have to read educational material more often,” I said. “Now, back to my problem?”

“Why not talk to Lisa about it before she has a chance to make up her mind about your motives?”

“Because I don’t know where the fuck to find her?” I said, phrasing it in a question to illustrate how silly Jenna’s question was.

Then she looked at me with this ‘how-can-you-be-so-dumb’ expression.

“Well, I don’t!” I protested.

“Do you know where Brenda lives?”

“Well, of course I do, she –” Then it hit me, explaining Jenna’s look questioning my intelligence. My sister may not be up on the political climate in America, but she was not stupid by any means when it came to dealing with a problem. I guess it came from her having to deal with her mother being held captive for seven years.

My irritation turned to delight in a breath. Smiling for the first time that morning, I hugged Jenna, the hot water of the shower running on us like warm rain. “Of course! I can wait outside Brenda’s dorm. Lisa’s bound to drop by sometime, or Brenda will go see her. All I have to do is wait for Lisa to drop by or follow Brenda if she leaves!”

Holding Jenna to me like that, I noticed how her breasts were pressing into my own, feeling her nipples touching my skin like small fingers exploring my body.

Seeing that the solution to my problem brought back my libido, I hurriedly kissed Jenna without much passion and said, “I have to go. Thank you so much for your help, little sister!”

And with that I left the shower before I made everyone late for school, including the twins who were getting out of bed as I entered the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around my wet hair and a smile on my face.

The first thing I did was call Deanna to let her know I would probably drive myself today, explaining my plan and how I didn’t want to keep her at school late. She wanted to go with me, but I wouldn’t let her. This was not something you did with an audience.

********

Dusk was coming when I saw Brenda leaving her dorm building. She was dressed nicely, so I strongly suspected she was on her way to Lisa’s. I nervously followed her at a distance, wondering if Gwen would have been proud of my stealth in shadowing my subject.

When Brenda got to her destination, I realized why they didn’t live together. It was a modest little house about a half mile from campus. At first I thought Brenda had not been going to see Lisa after all when an older man I recognized as one of the associate professors at UCLA answered the door. Maybe she was there to meet one of her professors about a class, but then I saw Lisa behind the man, and I noticed the resemblance. Lisa lived at home with her professor father, and probably her mother as well. She lived at home, as I did, more likely to save some money rather than by choice. Associate professors did not rake in the big bucks, after all, just as most teachers don’t. They probably couldn’t afford both tuition and housing for Lisa since only full professors got any big breaks on the costs of their children attending the university.

As I recalled my anger that Lisa and Brenda didn’t room together, I was reminded not to judge people too harshly when I didn’t have all the details.

I didn’t want to barge in while Brenda was there, of course, so I waited until she left, but when she did, Lisa was with her. Apparently, they were going out somewhere close-by together, walking along and holding hands. I wondered if Lisa’s parents knew the extent of their relationship or if Lisa was in the closet. I reminded myself to make sure Lisa came outside to talk to her when she returned and Brenda left. I wouldn’t want to add outing her to her family to my list of transgressions that could ruin her life.

I decided not to follow them, choosing to remain in the shadows across from Lisa’s house until they returned and Brenda left.

When they did come back, which was sooner than I expected, they were in the middle of an argument. I could hear them from half a block away, though I couldn’t make out what they were saying until they got a bit closer. Lisa was obviously upset, and Brenda was trying to calm her.

I didn’t have to wonder what they were arguing about. I had to hand it to Brenda, though. She was an honest person, even if it risked her relationship with Lisa. I knew it was always better to confront the person you hurt before he or she could hear the bad news from someone else. After all, that’s what I had come to do myself. I listened to them arguing as they walked along. Well, Brenda walked. Lisa seemed to storm up the sidewalk. She was crying, and my heart broke for her.

“How could you?!” Lisa was saying. “I had the chance to fuck them both! They both wanted me, Brenda! Especially Cheryl. But I said no. I was faithful to you, even if my pussy was soaking wet just thinking about it!”

“I’m sorry!” Brenda pleaded, near tears herself. “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?!”

“Ten million won’t be enough! I love you. I’m faithful to you. And you…you–” She paused to catch her breath or gather her thoughts, I’m not sure which. “You jump into bed with her the first chance you get!”

“She was so, I don’t know, sexy and urging me to join in. She’s quite the seductress!”

Me? Seductress? I think all I did was crook my finger at her and ask her to join in and have fun. I was seeing myself as others saw me, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. Or maybe Brenda was just grasping at straws to get Lisa to forgive her. Either way, what she was saying pissed me off, but I remained in the shadows, unwilling to make my presence known, probably not even after they finished talking and Lisa went inside.

“Shit, Brenda! She got herself off in a filled auditorium with me watching! I still didn’t ‘join in.’ You were just an opportunity. She was pursuing me like gangbusters! It did my ego a lot of good… until you destroyed it by telling me a quickie with her is more important than I am!”

“It wasn’t!”

“Then why didn’t you follow our rules?! You could have masturbated watching them to your heart’s content. You know what we said! What we promised! Then the first chance you get you break the promise!”

“It wasn’t like that!”

“Well, tell it to the judge!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know! Shit! Brenda, you hurt me, okay? You broke my heart!”

Lisa broke down, sobbing into her hands. I could feel my own tears running down my cheeks as I wept silently for this sweet girl who did nothing to deserve this. She was still the cutest, most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and I’d had a hand in hurting her deeply. I was ashamed of myself. I hadn’t meant for this to happen. Hadn’t even known Brenda was dating anyone. But I was still ashamed because I had hurt someone who had done nothing to earn the pain I had caused.

Brenda tried to console Lisa, touching her shoulder in an attempt to get her to look at her, maybe even hug her. Lisa wasn’t having it, though. She jerked her shoulder away from the touch as if Brenda’s hand were a spider.

“Leave me alone!” she sobbed. “Just leave me the fuck alone!”

“But Lisa. She was so seductive!”

“Stop blaming her!” Lisa said, venom filling every word. “It wasn’t her fault! You said before she had no idea you dated me! She was just… I don’t know… doing what comes naturally! But you betrayed me! You betrayed my trust! She was in it for a good time! You could have had a good time, but you wanted a better one! So get away from me! I fucking hate you!”

Anger had now become the dominant emotion. She was more than hurt, she was pissed off.

Still, I felt like a heel rejoicing that she had said it wasn’t my fault. After all, Lisa wasn’t the only one hurt here. Brenda was, too, though I could see Lisa’s point. Brenda had been completely aware of the entire situation. She knew she wasn’t supposed to accept my offer, an offer given in ignorance of all the facts. I suddenly realized that Brenda deserved what was happening right now. I hadn’t seduced her so much as invited her to join in and have fun. All she had to do was tell me what Lisa had told Deanna, that she was in a committed relationship. I would have backed off immediately.

Of course I would have been disappointed, but I would have accepted that she was not wanting to hurt her girlfriend. Hell, it could have been a boyfriend. I still would have understood.

“So that’s it?” Brenda asked. “You’re never going to forgive me?”

“How can I?” Lisa asked. “I could never trust you again. I can’t live that way.”

“And you don’t love me anymore? Just like that?” Brenda asked, snapping her fingers.

Lisa looked at her with determination and sadness coming off her in waves. “Of course, I still love you. But I’ll get over it.”

Without a sound, Brenda turned and started toward her dorm. “Fine!” she said when she was about a thirty feet away. “You just lost the best girl you’ll ever know.”

“I hope that’s not true,” Lisa said to herself, not loud enough for Brenda to hear. I heard it, though, and my heart ached. It didn’t matter who this lovely girl fell in love with, as long as it was someone who cherished her as much as she deserved to be cherished.

Turning, Lisa started across the street to her house. Her mother met her at the door, and I could hear her say something about hearing them over the TV. Lisa burst into tears all over again and hugged her mother. The door closed, sealing the ugliness of life out.

I had watched her go, wanting to say something but knowing I shouldn’t. At least now I knew where to find her if I ever did want to talk to her.

As it turned out, she found me without really trying.

********

At home my family didn’t ask me about my night. I remained silent, picking at my salmon with dill sauce, asparagus, and rice, which was one of my favorite dishes. I thanked Cindy for fixing it. Apparently, word had spread through the family that I was having a problem related to a girl at school, and Cindy had chosen to make a dinner I usually loved. Tonight was different, however. Nothing would have tasted good to me.

After I went to bed, an hour earlier than usual, Jenna came in.

“Wanna talk?”

“Not really,” I said.

“Mind if I lie down?”

“Suit yourself,” I said, knowing she was just giving me a chance to talk if I wanted to. She knew me well, of course. I ended up spilling my guts about what I’d heard while standing on a shadowed street, weeping quietly while witnessing the death of a relationship I had a hand in killing.

“I hurt her,” I said. “I know I didn’t hurt her on purpose, but I hurt her nonetheless,” I said, crying softly.

“Yeah, but both of you will get over it.”

That reminded me of Lisa’s words to Brenda, which I had not shared with Jenna, and I started sobbing.

Jenna held me, stroking my back and telling me how much she loved me.

Have I mentioned how much I love my sister?

Continue on to Chapter 69

34 Comments on I Was the Daughter of a Porn Star, Chapter 68

  1. David says:

    Intense chapter Cheryl, but great none the less.
    Jenna seems to be wiser than her age at times, which is a nice thing to see.
    Looking forward to next chapter.

  2. kim says:

    yes I agree with David, just love the way characters are so real.

  3. Drod says:

    Hmmm! Frankly, I don’t see why Lisa is so upset. It’s not like Brenda had sex with a guy or something. Hmmm!

    I guess being a guy myself makes me less empathetic.

    Just referring to myself, people. I beg forgiveness to any offence. :-)

    • Cheryl says:

      Certainly, you understand the emotional response to betrayal, right? One thing I have noticed is that many straight people consider gay and lesbian relationships to be about sex and nothing else. While it is definitely a large part of a relationship, just as I’m sure it is in heterosexual relationships, it isn’t everything, or even the most important thing. It’s about love. I love Lisa the way you love your wife or girlfriend. While the fictional Lisa and Brenda did allow each other to “look but don’t touch,” Brenda’s going to bed with the fictional Cheryl was a betrayal.

      So, yes. You are looking at this as a guy, but you are looking at it as a straight guy as well. Learn empathy. These two were in love, not just using each other as a “fuck buddy.”

      That being said, you’re forgiven because you are, after all is said and done, a good person and a fan.

      You just need to adjust your thinking about gays and lesbians.

    • David says:

      That would be like you doing it with your wife/girlfriends best friend. She would feel betrayed. That’s what Lisa is feeling.

  4. Jennifer says:

    Cheryl,now I have even more respect for you. As i read that comment, i nearly exploded, such an ignorance, i absolutely hate that most guys look at lesbian relationships as if they where only existant to provide fun for drooling men but nothing to take serious, better to say living fuck toys for manly entertainment. It really pisses me of that those jerks can’t get there is much more to it, love, care, real relationship, no matter if gay, hetero or lesbian. If there had not been your nice reply on this, i really would have ripped that guy to pieces with words…I am sorry but it makes me sick…

    • Drod says:

      My sincerest apologies to you, Jennifer. I meant no disrespect to any one; let alone any one in the lgbt community. Please forgive me.

      • Jennifer says:

        All good now, Drod! I sometimes am a bit emotional when it comes to this subject. It really makes me angry that so so many women (must) play hide and seek because of their sexual orientation, and all of that just because some “idiots” still don’t get it that even homosexual life is perfectly natural.

  5. Cheryl says:

    Please let’s all remember we are a part of a community here. I have gotten used to men not understanding about gays and lesbians. They get caught up with the sex and forget there is real emotion here. It is what is behind the lack of acceptance of the LGBT community in so many parts of the world. I certainly understand the frustrations that can be felt. I am absolutely certain that Drod meant nothing by his honest comment (and thank you for your honesty, Drod). This was why I explained rather than got angry. Sometimes, all that is needed is for someone to help another understand a position and why we feel the way we do.

    Please, don’t get angry. There is enough of that in the world, especially here in the U.S. lately. Show understanding and that will help others understand. I’m sure Drod has a better understanding of why Lisa was so upset now.

    So let’s be nice to each other, okay?

    • Jennifer says:

      I totally agree and already made a Statement ;-)

      • Cheryl says:

        Yes, Jennifer. I saw you and Drod “made up” about this. I just wanted to be sure this didn’t get picked up by someone else wanting to enter the fray. Thank you and Drod both for your maturity in dealing with the anger. Still, as we all know, sometimes people feel they must join in and give their opinions as well. I didn’t want that to happen.

        Hugs to you both! :)

  6. Evan says:

    The feelings of betrayal can run deep in any relationship. Breaking of trust, dishonesty, the list goes on. This was an intense chapter, and wonderfully written to be so, can I say, anti-erotic (the irony for this site). Loved reading it, though I was hoping for a different type of reaction down ‘there’ when I sat down to read.

    • Cheryl says:

      Evan,

      Sorry for the “less than erotic” chapter. I needed to establish what happened with the fictional Lisa and Brenda while displaying the emotional turmoil Cheryl and Lisa are going through. I would hope I have earned my readers’ forgiveness for writing a few of these types of chapters.

      I promise that more erotic chapters are on the way. In fact, there will be two chapters that cover a rather involved scene coming soon, not to mention we discover a few things about Lisa in the meantime. ;)

  7. Cassie says:

    OK, I think I’ll put my 2 cents in.
    Personally, as a polyamorous lesbian, I think jealousy is a fucking useless emotion. Brenda didn’t do anything to Lisa, what she did had nothing to do with Lisa, Lisa just chose to take it personally. It’s Deanna and Marie all over again. Cheryl falling in love with Marie didn’t gave anything to do with Deanna, and had no effect on how Cheryl felt about Deanna (except to make her love her MORE), and Brenda only fucked Cheryl, Lisa has no reason to feel hurt.

    I do understand her being angry though, Brenda broke an agreement, and proved that she was not true to her word. To me it makes no difference that that agreement was about sex, even if it was about shopping it would have been breaking an agreement.

    • Cheryl says:

      Well, that’s you. Others are different. That’s what makes this world such a wonderful place. We are not all the same, and we approach our lives and relationships differently. The characters are who they are.

      I regret that you did not enjoy the chapter or where the story is heading.

      • Cassie says:

        I didn’t say I didn’t enjoy it, I actually enjoyed it a lot. Just because I think that a character is totally fucked up, doesn’t make the character any less interesting. A story about only enlightened, well adjusted people would be boring.

        • Cheryl says:

          Okay. I misunderstood the tone of your reply. My apologies.

          I am glad you are enjoying the story. I have to admit I am more like the character of Lisa myself. And you’re right. I myself think that a story about enlightened, well adjusted people would be more akin to science fiction. :D

          Reminds me of a well-known book I once read, The Stepford Wives.

          • Cassie says:

            I nearly died laughing at the Stepford Wives comment. I never realized that brainwashing and enlightenment were the same thing. :lol:

            I’m actually surprised that you are more like Lisa than your namesake character Cheryl, who is one of the most enlightened, well adjusted characters in any story I’ve read.

        • Cheryl says:

          Well, it wasn’t brainwashing. The women and children were replaced by robots to satisfy the men’s idea of what enlightened, well-adjusted women and children were like, as far as they were concerned. Thus, such a situation would entail science fiction. Re-reading my comment, I can see I was not clear.

  8. Jennifer says:

    I gave a comment on Drod but not on this beautiful story, here it is my turn for apologies. ;-)
    I simply love the fact you have a real plot and not just only fucking.That is what makes this Ode so adorable to me. <3

  9. PoppaBear says:

    Has any other chapter in any other story here had so many comments? Before this inane one there were 23. Is that the most ever?

    There is also a serious point to be made, about something different.

    Advertising for Amazon? This is a first, isn’t it?

    Do you need the money?

    • Cheryl says:

      I agree that this chapter has been the catalyst for a great many comments, and while I’m not sure if that’s some sort of record here at JS, keep in mind that quite a few of them (this is the tenth) are my replies to others’ comments, as I am doing here.

      I’m not following your mention of Amazon, but no, I am not in need of money at present. :)

      Needless to say, I am thrilled my chapter generated so much discussion, though!

      • David says:

        What PoppaBear is referring to Cheryl, there’s a advertisement link at the end of your story for Amazon. Looks like they are showing a couple of books.

    • Those ads that some of you may occasionally see (I use AdBlock, so I never see them at all) are not part of Juicy Secrets. They are inserted by the free hosting service we use, Kinky-Blogging. We don’t profit from them.

      • JetBoy says:

        There are advertisements on our site!? I had no earthly idea… they don’t show up on my server. I guess that’s why Kinky Blogging provides this service for free. (And all along I thought they just really loved erotica.)

  10. Amanda Lynn says:

    Such an emotionally charged chapter. Cheryl, you made me cry. I can’t help but wonder though, what would have happened if Cheryl had been able to talk with Lisa before Brenda did.

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